a wonderful person. I do everything in my power to appease those around me, and also would always put others before
myself. I volunteered to perform the bulk of the job for projects. I backed down from my requests whenever they inconvenienced anyone else. And my own free time was spent giving giving and giving.
The finI used to bal result was not what I’d hoped it would be. Because I was not caring for myself physically, I felt moody and tired. Like I volunteered to perform more and more, people started to expect that I’d do everything for them. As my own dreams were put on the back burner, I became resentful, and now I craved validation and the attention I was unable to provide myself anymore.
In failing our particular needs , we diminish our ability, although we all want to be selfless. In the article, “How Selflessness
Makes Us Selfish,”published on the Counseling Site, the writer states that if we don’t satisfy our personal needs, we begin to
seek them from outside sources, resulting in behaviour that appears selfish. If we would like to be more kind and giving, we
actually have to be somewhat LESS “fine”
Here are some bad things that happen when you are too nice:
1. If you are always giving, people will expect that of you.
In the guide, “5 Ways Being Nice Can Become Unwanted,” published on the ability of Positivity, the author states that in the event you don’t set boundaries, then you’ll be seen as a doormat and taken advantage of. Making certain your needs are satisfied valuing yourself, and establishing limits does not indicate that you don’t have sympathy for all those around you. It just means your requirements are important.
I believed that people want me better and see me as more valuable should I gave as far as I would like. I discovered that people
loved less to it. We will be valued by people around us just as far as we value ourselves. Since I began to put limits and request
help when I wanted it, people started to notice and enjoy my contributions.
2. You will develop expectations of others.
According to the Power of Positivity, once you are being overly nice to others, you create unrealistic expectations for them to do
exactly the same. When these expectations are not met by them, you might become resentful and angry.
I’ve discovered this in my life. I would go over and beyond for any of my pals, and I took it when they were not eager to do the
same for me. What I did not realize was that they were taking care of their wants, and that it was my obligation to do the exact
same for myself.
3. People might come to you when they need something. The Power of Positivity says that when you are good to people, you will be only seen by them as a means to an end. People will only come to you whenever they believe you can help them out, as they are seeing you just as a tool to help them fulfill their objectives. If you do not set it to sip as soon as it begins this pattern may
spiral out of control.
I saw this pattern starting in my own life, and it quickly became overwhelming. Being able to gently say “no,” without providing too many reasons or arguing it, was crucial. At times I’d offer to assist the person get himself organized so they can help himself, or I’d refer them to sources and other people.
4. You’ll be worried about being kind to your self.
According to the Power of Positivity, when you’re busy taking care of everybody else, then you will forget to be kind to yourself.
This can lead to your needs not being met, and spiral into burn-out and depression.
I found that my over-giving distracted me in the sources of distress and pain that were within myself. I sought validation and I
didn’t feel I had any value outside of other people’s opinions. I was able to spend some time learning to rely on myself to get
validation and looking in, as soon as I backed out on the giving. Ultimately, this enabled me to be kind and learning.